I know how incredibly hard it is to move on from a relationship when you get no closure, when you don’t know what really happened or why it ended. It’s even worse when you thought things were going well, only to be blindsided by a breakup. And when you try to understand, the other person either refuses to explain or gives you vague answers that leave you feeling lost.
It’s important to know that closure is something you sometimes have to create for yourself. I understand how difficult that is; it can feel so much harder than when someone gives you clear answers, and the path to healing may take longer. But creating your own closure means allowing yourself to draw your own conclusions and move forward without the answers you were hoping for. It means accepting the way things happened, even when you don’t agree with it.
I’ve been there myself. I was in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. He often struggled with intimacy and commitment, and instead of addressing issues directly, he abruptly ended the relationship or went silent without warning. I’ve been surprised by sudden breakups multiple times.
What helped me most was allowing myself to grieve. It’s important to mourn the relationship you thought you had and the future you imagined together. At first, this was extremely difficult for me, I suppressed what I was feeling and brushed it off with a “Here we go again.” But eventually, I had to push myself to actually sit with the grief and process it.
The pain will eventually surface, and it will hit you harder than if you had just allowed yourself to feel it in the first place.
Learning to face your feelings instead of avoiding them is one of the hardest parts of moving on, this guide will help you navigate this process and start reclaiming your sense of peace: This Is How You Get Over an Avoidant
Another thing that made a big difference was talking to people about it. Sharing your experience makes it real and helps you feel less alone. It allows you to release false hope and come to terms with what truly happened.
And don’t isolate yourself. Try to stay active and keep doing things, even small activities. It helps break the cycle of overthinking, which often keeps you stuck wondering “why did my ex leave without explanation” or replaying conversations in your head. Do something, keep moving, and give your mind a chance to breathe.
Pay attention to triggers that can pop up unexpectedly, like seeing something that reminds you of your ex or a song that takes you back. I remember once walking down the street and suddenly smelling my ex’s perfume. It felt like I was right back at the start of the relationship, and I instantly felt sad all over again.
It’s important to realize that a breakup is not a linear process. it’s like waves, and you need to allow those waves to come.
Many people are surprised when, after a period of calm, they suddenly feel overwhelmed by nostalgia or sadness about their ex again. This is completely normal and part of the healing journey.But realizing that these moments are part of the process (because you’re human, with feelings) helped me not to suppress them. Trying to push the feelings away only makes them stronger in the long run.
Also, focus on self-care and your own future. Make plans that excite you, set goals that have nothing to do with your ex, and start building a life that feels good for you. Shifting your focus to yourself helps you remember there’s more to your story than this breakup.
And remember this, most importantly: It’s not your fault. As a coach, I’ve spoken with so many people who blame themselves entirely when a relationship ends without closure. Of course, there are always lessons we can learn and areas where we can grow, but the way someone chooses to break up (especially when they avoid explaining or disappear altogether) says more about them than it does about you. Because if a person truly respects you, they’ll have the conversation you deserve knowing it will help you find peace and move on. Someone who avoids giving you closure is thinking only of themselves and what’s easiest for them, without considering the impact on you.
Lastly, remind yourself that this experience doesn’t define your future relationships, and it certainly doesn’t define your worth. Just because someone couldn’t give you the respect you deserved doesn’t mean everyone will treat you the same way. You are worthy of love, respect, and a relationship where communication is open and clear.
Give yourself the time and space you need. Grieve, talk, write, keep moving, and know that you deserve better than someone who can’t even face you to end things properly.
