Everyone makes and loses friends and relationships throughout life; it’s a given.
However, I discovered that losing someone I could count on during a depressive episode or an eating disorder relapse seemed like a much more devastating blow.
The fact that I will gradually lose some of my support network is among the hardest things I have had to come to terms with while I work towards my mental health recovery.
Depression can cause feelings of social disengagement and loneliness. You can lose contact with people in your social circles if you add a difficult friend breakup.
Through these tough losses, I’ve discovered a lot about my strengths and clearly understood which friends will genuinely support me on my best and worst days.
I carried the hurt of broken friendships with me for a long time. Two friendships that I had until my senior year of high school were among the first losses I experienced as a result of my issues with mental illness.
A girl was the first person I had confided in regarding my difficulties with an eating disorder.
We three became a close-knit group. Up till they let me go.
Those were heartbreaking losses.
Even seeing them in the school hallways was difficult for me. I was embarrassed that they had chosen to cut off communication with me because of my depressive episodes. I thought I was at fault.
I was going through a period of sadness and suicidal thoughts, so the sense of loss I felt was amplified.
Because of my eating issues and sadness, I frequently canceled plans and isolated myself.
I invested every ounce of energy I had into those two friendships. Nevertheless, as we drifted apart, they became closer to one another over time.
My pals were understanding for a considerable amount of time until they decided they could no longer handle my despair.
I never felt as alone as I did after losing those buddies.
Additionally, I confided in a friend about my mental health problems, such as self-harm, only for her to inform my classmates.
The most agonizing instance of that kind of “friendship” was this one. When we spoke, she seemed really pleasant and encouraging. I’ve carried that breach of trust around for a very long time.
Even at 23 years old, I still cry sometimes and experience excruciating agony because, at 15, I was never able to express myself or find closure.
Instead, I pretended that I had no problems with self-harm following that day. I pretended to be alright while swallowing my hurt. I stopped allowing myself to talk.
I also regret not standing up for myself when my closest pals downgraded me from friend to acquaintance.
Discovering my voice
I’m doing much better now, and my road to recovery has progressed.
I haven’t hurt myself in over three years, and I can generally communicate my needs and sentiments to people more effectively.
Having the confidence to speak up and advocate for myself when things are wrong has been crucial to my healing.
I was able to let go of certain toxic friendships and heal after realizing that I could effectively use my voice to repair or stop relationships.
I speak out when a buddy says or does something hurtful, but I do it in a considerate way.
When trying to rebuild a relationship, you should try to see things from their perspective while still speaking your own in order to feel heard and validated.
Discover acceptance and closure.
It’s been beneficial for me to speak up and realize that letting go of someone does not imply that you despise or don’t wish them well. I have adored every buddy I have ever had.
However, partnerships can fail, and two individuals may split up or become less close than they were.
I now concentrate on enjoying the beautiful moments we shared.
Through my recovery, I’ve learned that even in friendships that ended horribly or abruptly, I may find closure, let go of a significant amount of hurt that was holding me back, and eventually find the strength to move on.
Pay attention to your family.
My loved ones always cheer me up when I lose a friendship that I truly value.
My loved ones are always there to reassure me that I’m a good friend and that others care about me, even when I feel bad about how a friendship ended.
“You’re better off without them” may seem trite and obvious at times, but it has helped me understand that when disagreements exceed the benefits, it is best for both parties to part ways.
It can be unpleasant and disheartening, but sometimes it’s best to let go.
I’m not shattered or despairing when I remember to keep my eyes on the people who have stuck with me through the storms; they prove that I have nothing to blame for the friendships I’ve lost.
With time and mending, I’ve also discovered that my ex-friends aren’t entirely to blame, even if the other person severely injured me.
It can be challenging at times to be friends with someone who has mental health concerns, but I also make an effort to see things from their perspective.
Not only may depression cause us to lose friends, but it can also help us develop new ones by giving expression to our feelings.
Ultimately, I have many wonderful people and memories that I am grateful for every day.
