“Always say I love you to the people you care about”
My mom used to say that to my brothers and me before leaving the house. I got that quote tattooed on my back two months after she passed away.
She died of a brain aneurysm on Thanksgiving Day three years ago. At first, I felt numb. I couldn’t comprehend how someone with no prior health problems could just leave this Earth like that.
After the denial phase, came the waterworks. No matter where I was or who I was with, I couldn’t stop crying. I remember sobbing in an Uber from Fort Lauderdale all the way to Miami.
I thought these feelings of emptiness, sorrow, and confusion were going to last forever.
I was wrong. With the help of my friends and family, I was able to find healthy ways to cope with grief and move forward.
The uphill battle to overcome depression began with my dad. He gave me a powerful piece of advice that motivated me to have faith in a better tomorrow.
Your mom brought us to where we are today. Now it’s our turn to keep on going, to keep on living. We can’t let all she’s done for us go to waste.
As a college student during that time, these words meant everything to me. I couldn’t stop my education because I was grieving. I needed to push myself even harder to achieve my goals. With that in mind, I worked hard and graduated with honors.
My advice: No matter what part of life you’re at, you can’t stop living. Losing someone reminds us how short life is and how important it is to not take it for granted.
Finding Your Compassionate Witnesses
According to Andrea Owen, author of the self-help book: How to Stop Feeling like Shit, it is important to identify the people you can be vulnerable with.
A compassionate witness is someone who can respond to your stories of struggle with empathy, Owen.
I have five close friends I feel comfortable calling up at 3 a.m. to talk about my mom. They don’t necessarily have to give me advice. I can just vent my feelings to them without judgment.
My advice: Find your support system. Holding your feelings inside can be overwhelming. In order to move on, you have to talk to someone.
If you can’t talk about your feelings, write them out
When I graduated and entered adulthood, I quickly realized how busy life can get. I don’t have the same free time I had before, neither do my friends. When it’s the middle of the day and I get sad about my mom but I have no one to talk to, I write her a letter.
I write about my life, how much I miss her, and how proud she would be of me. By expressing my feelings in handwritten letters, it makes it feel raw and personal. Plus, I can always read them again and see how much I’ve overcome.
My advice: Get yourself a journal or a piece of paper, it doesn’t matter. Write down everything you think and feel. Trust me, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Start New Hobbies
The times I felt most heartbroken over my mom was when I was bored because my negative thoughts would easily creep in. Instead of wasting my time wallowing, I decided to try new activities.
Since my mom passed away, I’ve started a Youtube Channel, a blog, and reading romance novels. I also went back to drawing cartoons and going on walks. I recently started doing TikToks and writing for Medium.com (as you can see).
My advice: Maybe these hobbies seem silly to you and that’s okay. We all have different interests and no matter what they are, we should pursue them. If you ever wanted to start something new, now is the time.
A hobby that starts as a copping mechanism can become a passion or career path, Me.
Do What Makes You Happy
It sounds simple but having this key component influence my decision-making process helps me live my best life.
According to Jen Sincero, author of the self-help book, You Are a Badass, you are in charge of your own happiness.
We’re all busy, but it’s the people who make enjoying their lives a priority who, um…enjoy their lives, Sincero.
My mom was a fun, independent woman who marched to the beat of her own drum. She lived without fear and, although her time here was cut short, I know she left without any regrets.
Whenever I feel like talking to I guy I like, I do it. Whenever I see a job I’m interested in, I apply for it. Whenever I feel like stuffing my face with cake, I devour it.
